Sunday, October 01, 2006

"... I drank HALF of that?!"

Listening to: Mayday Parade - When I Get Home You're So Dead
Reading: Fireflies in the Cloud (I [lessthanthree] Matt Dinniman)


Blah, Joe really isn't feeling his healthiest at the moment but has yet to reach his personal "sleepy time starting line" of two o' the clock. Until then I'm entertaining myself with silly wikipedia articles about silly (in a good way) bands, browsing for music on PureVolume and wondering what song I ought to spend my coke iTunes voucher on.

In the meantime I will recount the "haps" of the past week to you, my street slang loving "homies":

nothing happened.


liek, zomb.


ya rly.

Oh dear...

Today (yesterday) however was alright. I went shopping with my parents in Long Eaton and almost had a nervous breakdown in Burtons when they just would not stop flinging t-shirts at me. All the same t-shirt, just in subtly varient hues. Had a row with my dad over the fact that walking boots are not the same thing as trainers (for one, trainers do not make my feet look stubby and add an extra inch or two to my height, unless a new fashion has once again passed me by) and got very frustrated when they wouldn't let me pay for anything. Admittedly I don't have that much money, having spent most of what I have on sexy picture taking devices but nothing makes me feel like hagard, old, cretinous, money grubbing, hole-filled (oxymoron?) of a man like having my parents pay for things that are frivolous and not necessarily needed. It makes me feel like a real tool, a product of modern society which has bred me to be frivolous, to buy things I don't need and won't last just to perpetuate the economy and gilt the pockets of the increasingly rich. Bah and humbugs, I say to you. Btw, Miss Eevee, I realise that spending £12 on a cocktail shaker was not the wisest thing to do in order to prevent the aforementioned gilting of the aforementioned pockets of the hitherto other-named fatcats of our immanent mediocracy, but hell, I'M GODDAMNED CRAZY.

However, things ended on a positive note and chips were had by all and curried chips were consumed by the priveleged few.

Later on Ben called and asked if I fancied coming out drinking with he and his smexy longterm lady lover, Natalie. Liquid amore was consumed by all, my highlights of the evening:

  • When I asked for a Black Ferarri (two shots of Jack Daniels, one shot of Amaretto, top up with coke) and when I was told they don't serve them asked if they could mix me a double Jack Daniels, Amaretto and coke. I was then told they aren't allowed to mix triples. Bah. So I asked for two double Jack and cokes, then couldn't find my money, having to ask Matt to pay, only to find my money when we got back to the table, only to have Matt give me too much change. Then Ben went and ordered a double jack and coke and Natalie ordered three shots of Amaretto. You've gotta beat the system somehow kids, start learning now.
  • Playing Ultimate Card Master with Matt for a good ten minutes (NB: Ultimate Card Master is usually a game of one card draw with one rule: Matt wins however he damn well pleases).
  • Drinking Mai Tai through a really long straw straight from the pitcher ("What?" said the bar girl, "you don't want any glasses with it?" "No, we'll just take it straight from the jug." "You being serious?!" "...yea?" "OH MY GOD!"... amatures).
  • Having Ben spray me in the face with lager, proceeding to wipe it off with a newspaper and leaving the print on my face.
  • Eating two plates of nachos.
  • Telling Matthew to sue the pub because someone shoved a huge toothpick through his burger and he could have eaten it and killed himself, perhaps twice.
  • Watching Ben drink have a pitcher of Bulleit Breakers.
  • Drinking half a pitcher of Mai Tai.
  • Getting home at 11.
  • Not throwing up.
Yes, that's right, my evening's are so cut and dry they can be condensed into a set of bullet points for easy digestion. My life is bitesize. When did I stop being a more complex person?

Why does my eye itch?



Eevee said...

But...the cocktail shaker was so pretty...think of the hours of fun you will have!! Just *think* Joe!! All I properly remember about that fine Saturday is that cocktail shaker, a feeling of nagging guilt and you getting stuck in a dress. Out of those three memories, I treasure the shaker the most. And therefore, so should you.

Urgh...I'm going back to bed...I feel poorly and all I've eaten today is pepper sticks and humous...

Matt said...

I love you Joe.