Thursday, October 05, 2006

Can I Help You?

Today was a hectic day. A day made all the more obstroperous and madcap by the fact that it has been placed amidst a group of phenomenally dull and languid days and the fact that my anxiety over university is growing at a pseudo-exponential rate as the days to my moving out pass. "anxiety.en"

Waking up at about 8:30 and rolling around in bed made for a pretty average start, me falling out of my shorts and trying to smother myself with the pillow, rolling around under the duvet. I was beckoned from bed shortly after by my father, announcing he was taking my sister to school. Sitting up I ran my fingers through my hair, my horror spiking and slowly fading first at the shock that most of it wasn't there and then at the realisation that I brought this upon myself. Meh, it looks ok, we'll deal with it.

About an hour later I was up, dressed, watered and fed to a satisfactory standard and my dad and I went about our daily rigoure. For from repetitive, todays rigoure was composed of returning books to my old college (with a cornicopia of Galaxy chocolate attached to make up for lateness) and exchanging a set of bulbs for a Maglite. Oh frabjurous day indeed.

I sat around for two hours after this, waiting to go to lunch with my grandparents. I saw the Gilette Fusion advert maybe 15-20 times. They say "5 blades with the precision of 1!", so they do. However, this is a little idiosyncratic, I feel. 5 blades on one side would indeed reduce the pressure you apply, as it adds 40% more surface area and decreases the pressure (with a constant application of force) by a proportionate value, and this may very well reduce irritation. However, putting 1 blade on the other side (for "precision") would surely mean a lot of pressure was being put on that blade, leading to more irritation than ever before? I mean, come on guys, one or the other, alright?

After a delightful (filling) lunch with the grandparents I went home and waited to go and see James home from the station with Emily (wubble-ewe) and Lis. This started going very wrong from the outset.

The time I was being picked up by Emily's dad in order to be driven to the station changed on a nigh-on constant basis, and that's just for starters. In fact the time fluctuated by about an hour in some of the first banterful relays, which is verging on the rediculous. As Lis was coming along I was asked to fetch her and bring her to my house, so I wandered to her house. Or so I thought. I mean, yes, I did walk to her house, but it wasn't actually her house. As I approached I decided to call her, so as not to disturb her family or something like that and, on hanging up, I just stood outside on her drive. I heard, yelled from the second floor, a girlish voice yell, "Dad, there's someone on the drive!" after having stood around for 2 or 3 minutes. I was not detered by this, but I realise now that I should have been, just a little atleast. Soon I heard the door open and turned in its direction, expecting to see Lis stepping briskly toward me. Goodness me, was I wrong. I huge, hulking form of a man appeared from said portal and asked me, a little gruffly, if there's anything he could help me with. I told him I was waiting for Lis, supposing it might have been her dad.

"Sorry mate, Lis isn't coming out."

"Pardon?" I asked, quite confused.

"She doesn't live here," he replied without malice or condesention, just fact.

"Ah... Heh... Well, erm, I'm sorry for causing you any alarm," I said, and with that I turned on my heel to find Lis wandering around the corner. She giggled at me for a long time after that. I almost shook my very wet brolly at her.

Arriving back at mine I was starting to feel a little better, and we sat in awkward silence until Emily appeared in her stunning, fuzzy colared red gloves, whereupon we scurried through the rain to the car. As we pulled into the station carpark Emily got a call from James telling us that the train was only just setting off. We waited for about half an hour. 45 minutes. Something. We got very bored. In the end we wouldn't have even found him if I hadn't wandered out to see if his train was still on time.

I am very tired. I am not funny in the least. You should have stopped reading this blog months ago.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you came into college and didn't pop into the common room to say hi to us! i am deeply offended and quite upset joe. we were watching an anime movie in the morning, you'd have been quite happy, can't recall what it was called but it was about a biker gang, a secret government plan, some dodgy looking children and the destruction and recreation of the universe. you missed out. you smell. regards, grace and friends x